ADVERTIsem*nT
There are two types of people in this world, those who drive and those who exploit those who do. We are joking, obviously. But on a serious note, don't be a douche, chip in on that petrol, the liquid gold is expensive these days. Nonetheless, considering you ended up clicking on this article, we assume you are either of the two (or both): someone with a driving license or a big gearhead. So, if you are into the roaring, rumbling, scraping, or screeching, someone who can't pipe down when it comes to autos, or just someone who doesn't mind a funny joke about cars, you are in for a greasy treat.
But who needs car jokes when having a car that eats like a horse (yet has less than 200 horsepower) is a joke in itself? Definitely not me expressing my frustration about fuel prices through an article at work. Anyhows, it doesn't matter if you are driving a Model S, a 1990 Dodge Charger, or your partner mad, funny car jokes will surely tickle one's pickle, whichever the case is.
After all, there's one thing we all have in common - we all believe we are excellent drivers. Remember that curb you hit when parking? Exactly, it wasn't supposed to be there anyway. Don't worry; the funny jokes about cars won't be targeting you or your driving skills *wink wink*. So buckle up because below, we've gathered some of the wittiest car puns and funny jokes to tell to someone who knows a thing or two about cars. Do you have a favorite car joke? Let us know! Psst, also check out our list of the best car movies!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When you can’t find a parking spot, you turn down the volume to see better.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
32points
POST
citrus citrus Community Member Follow
*when it actually works*
Vote comment up
4points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#2
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
29points
POST
citrus citrus Community Member Follow
"sir, do you need help?"
Vote comment up
4points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#3
My 35-year boycott of Ferrari and Lamborghini is still going strong! And will continue until they lower the price.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
21points
POST
PVR PVR Community Member Follow
Stay strong, bro. ;D
Vote comment up
2points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#4
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
POST
#5
If a car’s chasing you, you’ll definitely get tired. But if you chase cars, you’ll get exhausted.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
18points
POST
citrus citrus Community Member Follow
sounds like something my dad would say
Vote comment up
2points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#6
What kind of cars do people in Norway drive? Fjords.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
18points
POST
Mary Bridget Mary Bridget Community Member Follow
Ha
Vote comment up
0points
Vote comment down
reply
#7
I just got nine out of 10 on my driver’s test. The last guy was able to get out of the way.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
17points
POST
Ann M Clinkscales Ann M Clinkscales Community Member Follow
Too good!!
Vote comment up
0points
Vote comment down
reply
ADVERTIsem*nT
#8
What’s the difference between a Fiat and a golf ball? You can drive a golf ball more than 200 yards.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
17points
POST
Riley Quinn Riley Quinn Community Member Follow
I could feel the burn from here!
Vote comment up
2points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTIsem*nT
#9
The biggest irony is being hit by a Dodge.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
17points
POST
citrus citrus Community Member Follow
ahAhaHaha
Vote comment up
2points
Vote comment down
reply
#10
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
POST
Miro Van Nunen Miro Van Nunen Community Member Follow
no comment
Vote comment up
4points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#11
Did you know that Ford is making a new heated tailgate? It’s so your hands stay warm when you are pushing it back home in the winter.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
15points
POST
George Nichols George Nichols Community Member Follow
Oh a F***ed over rebuilt Dodge
Vote comment up
1point
Vote comment down
reply
#12
Who can drive all their customers away and still make money? Taxi drivers.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
15points
POST
citrus citrus Community Member Follow
actually true
Vote comment up
2points
Vote comment down
reply
#13
When I wrecked my last car, I solved the mystery of whether or not a Mercedes bends.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
14points
POST
Orlando Pitcher Orlando Pitcher Community Member Follow
Well does it bend???
Vote comment up
1point
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#14
What’s the best part of Audi’s customer service? They answer within four rings.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
14points
POST
ADVERTIsem*nT
#15
That’s not a leak… My car just marking its territory.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
13points
POST
Orlando Pitcher Orlando Pitcher Community Member Follow
Now the cars are furries too?
Vote comment up
2points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#16
Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice? They’re trained to look for red flags.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
13points
POST
Scott Anderson Scott Anderson Community Member Follow
Not so sure about that a lot of them have a checkered past
Vote comment up
8points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#17
He’d been toad.
Why couldn’t the frog find where he parked his car?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
POST
citrus citrus Community Member Follow
*my brain trying to comprehend*
Vote comment up
1point
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#18
What do you need to be able to drive in the outback? You need to show koala-fications.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
POST
Philly Bob Squires Philly Bob Squires Community Member Follow
Outback? Outback-63...fa75e4.jpg
Vote comment up
2points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#19
What do you call a VW bus at the top of a hill? A miracle.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
POST
#20
Why don’t cars work after you change their wheels? Because they are retired.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
POST
#21
It’s a Cat-illac.
Kids, I bought the cat a new car.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
11points
POST
ADVERTIsem*nT
#22
If you ever feel like your job has no purpose, always remember that there is someone who is installing a turn signal in a BMW.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
11points
POST
#23
Did you hear about the Yoga class for electric cars? No, that’s a thing? I guess. They just park in circle and say “ohm” the whole time.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
11points
POST
#24
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand? No-Kia.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
11points
POST
#25
Just reversed into a Bugatti. But I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling me.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
11points
POST
#26
A Holly Davidson!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
#27
What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I am about to change.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
ADVERTIsem*nT
#28
Why did the washing machine schedule a test drive? Because he wanted to go for a spin.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
#29
How does a German cowboy say hello? Audi.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
#30
Brake-fast.
What’s a car’s favorite meal?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
#31
Porsche will sell electric sports car specifically for environmentally conscious owners experiencing a midlife crisis.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
#32
What should you double check when buying an electric car? That your driving license is current.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
#33
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland? It remains in neutral.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
#34
They left a note on the windscreen - Parking Fine!
Someone complimented me on my driving the other day.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
citrus citrus Community Member Follow
omg same!!
Vote comment up
1point
Vote comment down
reply
ADVERTIsem*nT
#35
My Subaru accidentally skidded over the bridge. I guess it’s now a Scuba-ru.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
Ann M Clinkscales Ann M Clinkscales Community Member Follow
That is funny!
Vote comment up
0points
Vote comment down
reply
#36
What’s Vin Diesel's favorite car? Mazda Familia.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
POST
#37
Guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the counterman “I’d like new air freshener for my Yugo.” The guy behind the counter shakes his hand and says “OK, that sounds like a pretty decent trade.”
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
POST
citrus citrus Community Member Follow
wait what--
Vote comment up
1point
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#38
I got gas for $1.99 at lunch. Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
POST
Ossandra White Ossandra White Community Member Follow
🔔dong🔔
Vote comment up
0points
Vote comment down
reply
#39
A Christler.
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
POST
Saint Lynnie Saint Lynnie Community Member Follow
Wrong. He drove a Honda, but he didn't say much about it. It even says in the bible. Christ said "I do not speak of my own Accord"
Vote comment up
1point
Vote comment down
reply
#40
What do you call a guy who always loses his car? Carlos.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
POST
#41
What did the computer say to the other person after a 16 hour car ride? Damn, that was a hard drive.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
POST
#42
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#43
I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
Ossandra White Ossandra White Community Member Follow
Badump CLICK!
Vote comment up
0points
Vote comment down
reply
#44
Chef-rolets.
What kind of cars do cooks drive?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#45
Why can’t motorcycles do push-ups? Because they’re always two-tired.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#46
What do you call a German electric car? A Voltswagen.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#47
Why did the electric car go to court? It was charged with battery.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#48
98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today. The other 2% made it home.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#49
Bus, Metro, Walk.
I use BMW to go to work.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
Ossandra White Ossandra White Community Member Follow
Noice 🚌🚎🚶
Vote comment up
0points
Vote comment down
reply
#50
What type of snakes are found on cars? Windshield Vipers!
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#51
How do you know a car is a good price? If it is a-Ford-able.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#52
Wanted: A man who has been stealing wheels from police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#53
As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself... “Ah, this takes me back.”
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
POST
#54
Turns out he was just telling me he approved of my driving.
I stopped to pick up a hitchhiker.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#55
My sweetheart is always taking health food crazes too far. Now, it’s even affecting my driving. She took the carb-orator off my car!
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#56
That car salesman is a real car-deal-ologist. It’s been a long time since someone gave me such a stress test!
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#57
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and six trash bags full of recyclable cans? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#58
Ford Fiesta.
Want to hear a car joke?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
6 Y.O. “Realizes Something Isn’t Adding Up” With Great-Grandparents Living Wealthy On Ordinary Jobs
Maine Coon Cats: Giant Kitties With The Softest Character
#59
What cars do snakes drive? An ana-honda.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#60
Why is Miss Piggy such a bad driver? Because all she does is hog the road.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#61
I really need to get my car fixed. What body shop do you wreck-amend?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#62
I make a new Discovery every day.
Working at a Land Rover factory is so interesting.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#63
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#64
What do you get when you put a car and a pet together? Carpet.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#65
What does a Volkswagen run on? Beetle juice.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#66
What do all French cars come with as standard? A spare wheel of cheese.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#67
It is a Vauxhall.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#68
What should you do if a car is annoying you. Give the car a head rest.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
Teen Refuses To Babysit 16 Kids, Gets Woken Up With Ice-Cold Water On Her Face The Next Morning
“Bought The Property, Landscaping Included”: Woman Shocked By Ex-Homeowner’s Request 2 Years Later
#69
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called? The Mazda-lorian.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#70
What does the car brand FIAT stand for? Fix-It Again Tomorrow.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#71
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Why would the penguins make good F1 drivers?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#72
A truck carrying blackberries spilled on the highway. It was quite a traffic jam.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#73
Why did Elon Musk go broke? Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#74
Which Johnny doesn’t need a car? A Johnny Walker.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#75
Lamborghini once decided to ditch the ICE entirely and focus on electric cars for foreseeable future That time period was known as Silence of the Lambs.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#76
If they had four they'd be chicken sedans.
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#77
If somebody sees me singing in my car, my reaction is to stare at them until it’s awkward for both of us.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
#78
What did the little Nissan truck say to the big Nissan truck? "Oh Nissan!"
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
7points
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
Handyman Gives Squatters Their Own Medicine After They Take Over His Mom’s House
"As If I Had No Choice But To Move": Woman Refused To Switch Plane Seats
#79
Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other. Within a few seconds, they were in a fistfight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#80
Bad news: Your car is totaled. Good news: After the wreck, your Audi is finally an innie.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#81
When you get hit by a guitar truck, is it a fender-bender?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#82
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#83
If I owned a DeLorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#84
Why can’t cars play football? Because they have only one boot.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#85
Automobile.
What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#86
What’s the best pickup line? Probably Chevy’s.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#87
You should get a job at a transmission repair shop. I’m sure you’ll get used to the early-morning shifts.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#88
Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck? He wanted to bust a move.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
"We're A Movie Theater, Not A Free Babysitting Service": Karen Threatens To Sue Cinema For "Making" Her Kids Walk Home At Night
30 Of The Funniest Halloween Fails That People Couldn’t Resist Sharing
#89
What kind of car do they switch to?
When a BMW owner learns to drive...
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#90
If Dodge made an electric car... Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#91
What is a lacrosse players favorite type of car? A dodge!
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#92
I'm on the highway to hell, but ran over the pothole to hell and need the roadside assistance to hell.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#93
What did the tornado say to the car? Want to go for a spin?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#94
A Beetle!
What kind of car do frogs like best?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#95
What is a Tesla Model 3’s favorite dance? The Electric Slide.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#96
What does the GT stand for on a Ford? Glued together.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#97
What do cars play at the weekend? Golf.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#98
The apostles were all in Accord.
Honda is the oldest car made in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards
50 Funny Bathroom Signs People Found Around The World
#99
Why didn't the two Alfa Romeo owners say hi to each other when they met at the bar? Because they saw each other at the mechanic's earlier that day.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#100
A guy changes his Fiat 500 for a bigger car and complains about increased road noise. The salesman comes around and says: "Can't understand how it could possibly be the case, the new sedan is so much quieter". The buyer responds: "When I sat in Fiat 500, my knees covered my ears."
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#101
What do you call the world's most badass sedan? A Liam Nissan.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#102
How do Prius owners drive? One hand on the wheel, the other patting themselves on the back.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
POST
#103
You take ‘em to the old Volk’s home.
What do you do with old German cars?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#104
What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#105
What is the main difference between BMWs and Porcupines? Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#106
What kind of vehicle does a chicken drive? A coop.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#107
Clutch failure.
You know what really grinds my gears?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#108
I wanted to buy a new electric car. Their prices are just too shocking.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
‘Sweet Grandma’ Librarian Turns To A Savage To Show An Entitled Mom Her Place
“Everyone Went Dead Silent”: Family Dinner Ends In Tears After Woman Announces 7th Pregnancy
#109
What type of car do sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini!
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#110
A Ford Focus Electric and a Kia Soul went on a date. At first, the Focus wanted to Bolt, but after a while a Spark formed. Things ended up getting X rated, so I thought it better to just LEAF them alone.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#111
If a piano player is called a pianist, wouldn’t a racecar driver be called a racist?
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#112
How do you watch NASCAR without a TV? You flush a bag of M&M's down the toilet.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#113
If you wanna go offroading, take a Land Rover. If you wanna get back, take a Land Cruiser.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
#114
Never get into a lane-merging game of chicken with a person who has a garbage bag for a car-door window.
Report
Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
POST
